We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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