I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
