8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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