Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
