Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize