i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
