I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
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