her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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