Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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