it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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