I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
