Umm I'm too high to move.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
