good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
