i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
