So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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