He disabled his match.com account in front of me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
