True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize