then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize