I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Found your dick twin last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
