Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she smelled like a LAN party
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
