Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize