Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
vagina is talking i cant
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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