you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
