he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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