Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
