Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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