I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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