Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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