I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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