Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize