He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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