u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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