I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
