He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
