I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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