Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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