Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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