Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
