I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So gin and wine won't be happening again
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
