if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
