Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize