Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
