I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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