Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
