maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
