oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
