are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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