so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize