as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
