Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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