You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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