no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm both gender and math confused
Drunk is a universal language darling
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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