I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
