meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
