she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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