I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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