Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
