My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
