Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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