too bad you live with your parents still
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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