The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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