i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
