matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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