This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you win again, gameday.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize