Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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