Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
