I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
