u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
