i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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