Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
